Mixed Emotions

Blaxicana.

To the mixed girl… born African American and Mexican American, I get it.  If the paper often doesn’t permit the boxes for multiple selections of truth, but rather a single box option labeled “other,” rejection from the processing strangers can only give segue into the pain inflicted from family resistant to a different culture. (Sigh).  Beautiful, you’re not alone.  Growing up biracial, my first embrace of love came from my parents that God chose to come together as a part of His plan for my life.  Literally.  With both cultural DNA, His hands formed me in my mother’s womb.  However, rejection does not pump too far down the vein from the hearts of relatives in need of healing.  Some in the world soon followed.  

For some, I’m too dark, yet too light, have bad hair, pero good hair for others; my nose is too narrow, yet too wide, hooked, big, or simply not desired.  “You act White.”  “Who’s Mexican… your Mom or Dad?” “Do you have a picture?” “You’re Black.”  “Were you expecting fried chicken?”  The teeter totter of contrasting labels and discrimination played by those still growing in maturity, planted deep embedded seeds of insecurity and just plain old confusion.  

Trying to come off that teeter totter and stepping onto my runway to destiny in dizziness, called for many turns with a lot of expression.  I was giving them angles, with many complex traits captured in each frame.  Some were my true personality, while others were an assumed false identity stemmed from people pleasing.  The desire for acceptance therein lies in the void from rejection.  At this stage in my life, I wanted to be fully accepted by both of my cultures.  The occasional teases served as seeds that eventually took root in my heart and soul.  The judgmental paparazzi can be distracting enough to take you off course if you do not walk straight in confidence, embracing all of who you are.  The flashes of racism and colorism only tell a part of your story.  Though painful, I walked through stronger and so can you.

Acceptance.

It starts within.  When you finally have the freedom to step into your truth, you make room for the good that He always intended for you to receive and enjoy.  It took removing myself from toxic people in a season of healing to receive God’s unconditional love.  Allow yourself that space.  When negative actions from hurt people were too close in proximity, my outlook was clouded.  None of us are victims.  We are victors, despite the challenges faced.  Understanding Christ’s love, creation, and acceptance of me was the start of a new and secure foundation rooted in truth.  Something a personal relationship can reveal to you more than religious practices without substance.  My creator has poured into me enriched cultures that I am proud of. 

Whatever your makeup is, trust His design and embrace it. Yes, I eat tortillas with papas, chorizo, and eggs wrapped inside, as well as traditional soul food.  My fiancé enjoys it too.  I also enjoy heels for date night and chucks for shopping.  I like 90s R&B, Hip-Hop, Jazz, Gospel, and Alternative music.  These playlists never have a dull moment.  Whether you are multiracial or enjoy many interests, always remember that multiple ingredients make one beautiful dish.  Own your truth, beautiful.  Acknowledge who you are without denying your truth.